


i still miss you, but there’s no going home

by peacock_francophile



Category: Manifest (TV 2018), Manifest (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Italian Food, Jachaela, Jared/Michaela - Freeform, Manifest NBC, Pizza, Walking, idk what to tag, in the evening, lotsa angst, of course, read this for the big sad, tw for brief mentions of nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 12:17:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17043584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacock_francophile/pseuds/peacock_francophile
Summary: Jared doesn’t know why, but he asks Michaela for a walk after work. The sun’s setting, it’s getting dark, and it’ll be awkward, but the truth is that Jared misses her. Not like he did when she was dead— or, gone. He misses hearing her laugh. Their easy banter. The uncomplicated conversation. Michaela was the only human being Jared had really understood.





	i still miss you, but there’s no going home

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in this fandom but I have So Many Emotions about Jared and Michaela so I had to write about them. Enjoy some light (by which I mean heavy) angst with a side of mutual, under-the-surface pining.

Jared doesn’t know why, but he asks Michaela for a walk after work. The sun’s setting, it’s getting dark, and it’ll be awkward, but the truth is that Jared misses her. Not like he did when she was dead— or, gone. He misses hearing her laugh. Their easy banter. The uncomplicated conversation. Michaela was the only human being Jared had really understood. 

But that all changed. Jared changed. Michaela hadn’t. And now, he’s asking to take a walk, and she’s saying yes, and—

Wait. She’s saying yes?

“Where are we going?” Michaela asks as they stroll down the sidewalk. 

Jared doesn’t really know. He hadn’t thought they’d get this far. “How ‘bout pizza?”

So they get pizza. Not the oversaturated, dripping-with-grease New York style pizza. Italian pizza, real pizza, that Jared knows she likes. 

They find themselves on a beach overlooking the Hudson. Legs brushing. Shoulders touching. Almost like the old days. Anybody passing by would assume they were a couple. Jared can’t bring himself to put anymore space between them. 

The sun is bleeding into the end of the sky. Beneath the clouds and light pollution of New York City, stars are surely becoming visible. Reds and pink are fading into purples and blues, all reflected in the water rippling beyond them. It’s beautiful. Jared barely notices. 

“How’s everyone?” he asks when the silence gets too painful. “Are Ben and Cal holding up okay?”

He nearly said, “Are Ben and Cal holding up better than you?”, but caught himself. 

“Cal’s still Cal,” Michaela replied with a faint smile, “only healthier. Full of energy. He’s pretty weirded out by all this, but he’s bouncing back. Ben, on the other hand…” she shrugs. “He’s coping. Trying to figure stuff out.” There’s a beat of silence. “Grace got a boyfriend.”

Jared doesn’t reply. 

“So. Obviously, Ben is wrapping his head around that.”

Jared knows just by her tone that she’s not exactly talking about Grace and Ben anymore. 

“How does Ben feel about it?” he asks lightly. 

Michaela doesn’t reply for a few moments. Her eyes are glassy as they reflect the setting sun. 

“He’s lost,” she says finally. “Really lost. There’s no map for this, you know? No instruction manual. He doesn’t know. He wants… he wants Grace. Feels like Grace should… should be with him. Because he still loves her. He loves her so much. There’s no instructions to tell him something’s wrong, but he can feel it. And he wishes…” Michaela takes a shaky breath. “He just wishes everything could be normal again.” Michaela looks down at her lap, then at Jared. “How do you… how would you think Grace feels?”

“Grace?” Jared echoes. He drums his fingers against the chipping painted wood of the bench. “I think… she must be so confused. She loved Ben. For years. And… she still—“ Jared closed his eyes for a split second. “She still loves him. Of course she does. How could she not? But she loves her new boyfriend too. Or does she? How can she be sure? What if he was just a substitute Ben who she doesn’t need now that her real Ben is back? Or what if this was the man she’s supposed to fall in love with? Or how can she love both of them? Can she? Should she? There are so, so many questions she’s asking herself. Questions that should never have to be asked. Questions that nobody could answer.”

There’s a long a silence. 

“She’s made promises to both of them,” Jared finished finally. “But she can’t keep them to one man without breaking them with another.”

Michaela looks at Jared. Jared wants to look at her. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to look away. 

You still take my breath away. 

Jared looks at her. 

“Two and a half weeks ago,” she whispers, “you asked me to marry you.”

“It was five ye—“

“No!” Michaela closes her eyes. “No, it wasn’t, it was two and half weeks ago. You asked me to marry you. Two and half weeks ago, I wanted to say yes but couldn’t. I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve you or your promises or your happiness or your life, but I wanted to. I wanted to deserve it. Two and a half weeks ago I thought a trip would clear my head. All it did was ruin my life.” She’s crying. And shaking. “It was just days ago that— that we still— that you still loved—“

She turns away. The sun has disappeared. Street lamps provide a flickering source of light. Jared reaches out and tucks a small strand of hair behind her ear. Almost without thinking. Almost like it really had been two and half weeks. 

“I still… I still wake up and expect you to be beside me,” Michaela is whispering again. “I still wake up and when you’re not there.. for a second I think you’re just in the bathroom, getting ready for work. Sometimes… I still wake up in the night, out of my mind from some nightmare, and I still think you’ll be there, ready to hold me until I stop crying.” Her voice breaks and she stops talking. 

Jared curls one arm around her. He runs his hand through her hair as she shakes with sobs. He rests his chin on top of her head. 

He holds her until she stops crying.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments give me a life but if you don’t have time just give a kudos! Unless you hated it, the by all means do not.   
> I’m the-first-refrain on tumblr, some say hi!


End file.
